So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
