he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
