I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
