I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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