To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just had sex bonerless
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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