At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize