remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
