I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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