Im at strip club and am horny
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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