I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
