Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
