I just threw up on my dentist
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
