Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
