at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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