I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
