Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
