Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
