Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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