Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
