Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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