I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
