You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
