i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
