Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
