I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
