i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
