I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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