You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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