I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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