; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
