oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
