Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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