Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
