i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I FOUND THE LEGS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
