i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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