I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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