You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
