Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
