you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
