i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
