If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
