My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
