dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
