i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
