I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Someone shit on the floor
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
