How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
