he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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