ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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