ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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