As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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