Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
