I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
