Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
