first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
