let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
