i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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