Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
