I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
