Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
