Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize