Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
