and you said cock pushups were impossible
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
