I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
