Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
