Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
