We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
