How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
