Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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