Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
