I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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