Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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