Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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