I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
