you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
