I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
