the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
